Open Letter to the Barefoot Badass
Wednesday, January 12th, 2011
Dear Guy Who Wasn’t Wearing Booties,
Hey man, you might not remember me. I mean, I was just up north for the weekend and decided to fit a quick surf in during my trip. You were coming out of the water and I was just walking over the dune. We crossed paths and I asked, “How is it out there?” but before you could answer, you had already seen them: my booties.
You had a big smile on your face and apparently had a great session, and you were super barefoot. With a barely detectable hint of condescension, you said “It’s a little cold, but really fun!”
“A little cold?” What a dick. You think I can’t read between the lines? You think just cause I’m wearing booties I’m a lesser man? Don’t worry, you didn’t have to say it, I could feel it in the way you walked up the dune half shivering and smiling like a guy who just had a lot of fun surfing…looking all badass…damn it. I could have gone barefoot, too, you know! I just wasn’t in the mood.
Think about it for a second. How did you know I wasn’t in town from somewhere super warm and tropical and the 52-degree water wouldn’t instantaneously vaporize my sensitive feet? How did you know that I’m not a world famous foot model who depends on my feet being immaculate at all times to feed my fourteen kids? How did you know that I’m not the only spinal surgeon in the world who uses his feet, which allows me to do things no other spinal surgeon can – namely fix every spinal injury ever? The answer is, you didn’t! You didn’t know that I wasn’t any of those things. So for all you knew I could have been all of them!
Next time you’re looking all badass and barefoot, maybe don’t go around trying to make other people feel stupid. I’m not too much of man to deny it – it really hurt my feelings. People have feelings, you know. ALL PEOPLE DESERVE SOME RESPECT! On the other hand, did you see the loser out there that day on the sponge?! What a freakin’ kook!!! Am I Right?!
Sincerely,
Manly In San Fran (aka: Guy Wearing Booties)
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